We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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