I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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