Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
