I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
