Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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