when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
