Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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