Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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