I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
