Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
