I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
