My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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