booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I touched a dick in church today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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