Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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