Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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