I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
