You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
