Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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