Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
