I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
