Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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