If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
