puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
