3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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