you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
