DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
