you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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