Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
