Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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