Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
