Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
