I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
