So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
