You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
