ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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