Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
