I think my fart just growled at me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
