the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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