we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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