she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
