Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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