I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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