I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
