yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
