And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
