He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
