you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
