my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
