i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
