and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
