Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
