I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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