i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
